Fantasy football is supposed to be fun. And at the beginning of the season, it is. The draft is fun, especially if you’re able to do it in person with your friends. It’s extra-especially if you’ve been in the same league for 20 years and the draft is the one chance to see those old friends in the flesh. And all the speculation ahead of the season is fun too.
It’s when the games start that your fantasy team becomes a nightmare of stress, frustration, and regret. Especially if you would have won the whole thing if you hadn’t inexplicably benched Lamar Jackson in week one!!!!
Anyway, regret goes part and parcel with the fantasy football experience, and some leagues bring with it the potential for more regret than others. Perhaps there’s a fee for coming in last place, or, worse, a penalty, like having to get a ridiculous tattoo. Or having to spend 24 hours inside a Waffle House.
That’s what happened to one Twitter user who lost a fantasy-related bet. His name is Cyrus Wittig and he detailed his punishment on Twitter.
For my fantasy football punishment, I will be attempting the Waffle House challenge.
I must stay in a Waffle House for 24 hours. For every waffle I eat, an hour is subtracted from my sentence. Please join me on this journey.
— Cyrus Wittig (@CyWittig) January 5, 2020
Let’s get into it pic.twitter.com/QxUJINkngq
— Cyrus Wittig (@CyWittig) January 5, 2020
It didn’t take long for the regret to come.
Oh my god I’m going to die
— Cyrus Wittig (@CyWittig) January 5, 2020
He did what he could to try and make it a little easier on himself.
I got an order of sausage to get the taste of waffles out of my mouth.
— Cyrus Wittig (@CyWittig) January 5, 2020
He made some progress, whittling his sentence down bit by bit.
1 hour and 5 waffles down. 18 hours left on the clock.
— Cyrus Wittig (@CyWittig) January 5, 2020
He learned some unfortunate lessons along the way:
I am learning that as Waffles get cold, they change flavors. Not for the better.
— Cyrus Wittig (@CyWittig) January 5, 2020
He had little patience for onlookers who questioned his efforts:
Person in Waffle House – you’ve only eaten 5 waffles in 90 minutes?
Me – You wanna try it?
Person in Waffle House – …..
— Cyrus Wittig (@CyWittig) January 5, 2020
Things continued, but my man was not doing well.
My faithful Waffle House staff went on a break and I’m not in a good place. pic.twitter.com/HIgaWO1foP
— Cyrus Wittig (@CyWittig) January 5, 2020
— Cyrus Wittig (@CyWittig) January 5, 2020
Alas, there were no short-cuts.
Multiple people have asked… unfortunately this is not a “Coach Carter” situation where I can have friends eat waffles on my behalf. This is my mountain to climb, my cross to bear, my devil to devour
— Cyrus Wittig (@CyWittig) January 5, 2020
The harder he tried, the harder it got.
Took me 1 hour 45 to eat 6 waffles. It’s taken me 2 hours to eat 1 more.
— Cyrus Wittig (@CyWittig) January 5, 2020
Progress report:
It is 4 PM. I arrived at Waffle House at 9 AM. My whole body hurts. My efforts are futile.
— Cyrus Wittig (@CyWittig) January 5, 2020
He got a second wind!
Also. 9 are down. I feel good. I feel like I can go right into 10
— Cyrus Wittig (@CyWittig) January 5, 2020
Finally, he sees the finish line, having devoured 11 waffles and been there nearly 12 hours. He needs one more to escape his syrup-covered prison.
12th and final waffle video begins at 8:30 if you want to hold my hand to the finish line
— Cyrus Wittig (@CyWittig) January 6, 2020
He did it! But it wasn’t without its consequences.
I don’t think there’s any chance I sleep tonight. It’s not the waffles, it’s the sprite
— Cyrus Wittig (@CyWittig) January 6, 2020
And, apparently, he holds no grudges.
Woke up craving waffles….
— Cyrus Wittig (@CyWittig) January 6, 2020
Not all heroes eat crepes.