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Tweet Roundup
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"I love you, but I'm not going to that couple's baby shower." DIY, decoration, funny
3.15

Haha but seriously.

Your service tech will be there sometime between 10:00 am and whenever the fuck he wants. Tweet, technology, help
3.15

Great so I'll just clear my next week or so, thanks

"Truly AWful" decoration, DIY, meme
3.15

Leaving this next to anything "pumpkin spice" that shows up in my house

What is the marriage advice you could give that changes everything? I'll start. Separate. Comforters. Success, helpful, tweet
3.15

So simple, yet such a game-changer

What I tell my kids: "Clean up, girls! Dinnertime!" What my kids hear: "Stop and play with every toy you own" "Sing every song you know multiple times" "start reading that really long book you never touch" "just stand there" "go ahead and spill that cup of milk that's been missing for a week." Comic, meal, relatable
3.15

I spend my days waiting for my next meal and I don't know when that changed

My son is mad at me and to get back at me he's walking very VERY slowly around the house. It's devastating. Tweet, kids, funny
3.15

How will I ever recover from this

Figured out how to get my kids to stop messing with the thermostat. Funny, prank, meme
3.15

The last place they'll ever check

Medieval dads going around the castle putting out candles. Tweet, satire, history
3.15

What, are we paying for ghosts to be able see?

Sign: "I talk to the dogs in a high-pitched voice (the cat too)." Confession, pets, animals
3.15

If you don't, what are you even doing

Pretend to be asleep OR Start your day at 5:45am. Meme, parenting, bedtime
3.15

Even if you try option A, it's almost always going to be option B.

Nothing makes a dad happier than using their snowblower after the season's first snow fall. Nature, outdoors, meme
3.15

Maybe the first good mow after the snow melts, but that's it

Parents when walking in on any non-approved glitter project: [Screaming]. Art, mess, meme
3.15

Legend has it he's still pulling glitter out of his beard today.